It was difficult for me to understand what Wagner was really trying to get me to take away from her last two chapters (before the "expansion pack"), other than "yes, gaming and religion do have interestingly similar apocalyptic narratives," or "oh yeah, I guess Katamari Damacy and the Bible are world-building texts. SO INTERESTING."
It wasn't until Wagner's comparison of "making belief" and Mother Teresa's confession that my interest was really piqued. Here was a woman that, until I had read this (and maybe I just haven't been paying attention), I had taken for the one of the most devout, compassionate Catholic figures of our time. Admittedly, my Mother Teresa knowledge is limited mostly to what I remember hearing about her in the news before and after her death when I was a child, but even from the glimpses of information I've caught since then it is so surprising to me to read these things she thought, and the deep guilt she felt about them.
“…there is such terrible darkness within me, as if everything was dead…the silence and the emptiness is so great that I look and do not see, listen and do not hear…no faith, no love, no zeal…the saving of souls holds no attraction…heaven means nothing…what do I labor for…where is my faith…I no longer pray…what hypocrisy…”
Wagner describes her outward display as one of "making belief." Mother Teresa no longer believed in what she was saying and doing, but she performed the "belief" as if she did. In a way she was fooling the world. What could be even more intriguing to me is the subsequent quote by Pope Benedict XVI about this very thing:
"The idea of living 'as if God didn't exist' has shown itself to be deadly: The world needs, rather, to live 'as if God existed,' even if it does not have the strength to believe; otherwise it will only produce an 'inhuman humanism.'"
Setting aside the claim that "Godless" people are incapable of "human humanist" acts, I find it so interesting that the Pope would encourage people to live in a way they do not truly believe in. This is what Mother Teresa had done for so many years and was unable to find any peace in it.
I definitely don't mean to slam the Pope, just to bring up the real idea of "make belief-ing," and the real turmoil it can bring to people. Wagner brought up the idea with an example of ARGs (which I can tell you right now, I would be utterly addicted to) and cosplaying, where people take on these personas in the real world that are not their own. However, what happens when we are not able to go home and not be a part of the game? When we can't do anything but make belief?
This is where Mother Teresa's turmoil came from. She no longer believed in this thing that she held so sacred--so sacred that she couldn't quit seeming to believe.
There are many instances that I can think of that people do this--though definitely not on so drastic a scale. I have friends that hang-out and interact with people they really don't like because they just can't seem to let go of the old connection; I know people that won't let go of a job they don't need and that treats them poorly, just because they have been there so long and are afraid to break that connection. I suppose this could explain in part why Mother Teresa never did anything to alleviate her suffering. Perhaps it doesn't make sense to me because I will never be as compassionate as she was--make belief-ing her life in order to bring peace to those around her.
Do the opposing ideas (as far as make-belief-ing for real, not in a game) then come down to "making belief and a sort of security vs living in a way true to yourself and insecurity?"
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